Try jokes
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
I would try to stop rapists, but force would be an option for it.
Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.
Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”