Try jokes
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.
Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?
A. He was trying to phone home.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
An orphan tried to make an app about orphans, but there was no home page.
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.
Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.