Donald Trump Jokes
What do Donald Trump and a dick have in common?
Liberals can't keep either one out of their mouths.
Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.
And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
It used to be "My Body, My Choice" until Trump came to power. Now it's "Your Body, My Choice."
Young man: "Very good money, and how about the name of the stupid young man again?"
Friend: "Dagobert Duck."
Young man: "Ah, I remember. He was the American useless."
Friend: "Ah, you mean Donald Trump?"
Young man: "Yes, just like that! I know exactly how the guy managed to become president. Hahaha!!!"
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."
I think DJT has FTD.
Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.
What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.
I'm Canadian, and I admit we've done some stupid things. But we've never given nuclear launch codes to a literal retard.
What's the difference between Canada and the USA?
In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.
In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
It's often said that people peaked in high school.
I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.
Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.
I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.
Roses are red, Epstein's face turned blue.
Trump's on that list, And there's nothing he can do.
Trump's releasing the files.
To catch all the pedophiles.
He didn't know Epstein.
Didn't touch any teens.
Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?
A. The Jello has a higher IQ.
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!