When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:
The guy says, "I'm a fireman."
The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"
The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."
The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
Why did the astronaut return to Earth?
She went on her launch break! 🚀🥪😋
Why did Joe Biden visit Hiroshima? Because the city has the hottest prepubescent girls in the world.
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.
What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?
A Pre Visa!
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?
A Boomerang.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?"
"Because I was Russian!"
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
