Travel jokes

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

What do bees do when they get married?

They go on a honeymoon.

How do you get 1 million followers?

You run through Africa with a bottle of water.

The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.

What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?

Cross country.

Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

Two baked beans traveled around Australia.

They both ended up in Cairns.

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

How did I get to Iraq? I ran.

6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.

What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."