Travel jokes

You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.

What do bees do when they get married?

They go on a honeymoon.

How do you get 1 million followers?

You run through Africa with a bottle of water.

What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?

Cross country.

The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.

Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.

The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

Two baked beans traveled around Australia.

They both ended up in Cairns.

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

How did I get to Iraq? I ran.

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."