Travel jokes
Why can't orphans go to a five-star hotel?
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
How can you help a llama on holiday? Alpaca your bags.
Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Why did the man get on the bus to get sussy?
What do you call a terrible bus company?
Stagecoach Highlands.
Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.
Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?
Angela: His name is Kevin.
Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?
Angela: I don't know.
One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut.
How do you get 1000 followers?
Walk into an African village with a water bottle.
I guess this is pretty plane.
I am sorry I am just winging it.
Wow, I guess these jokes haven't taken off.
Wow, I just landed that one!
I've Benin there.
I'm Ghana go.
I've got to Togo.
Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes.
Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.
Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?