So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
How do you get 1 million followers?
You run through Africa with a bottle of water.
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
Whatโs Mexicoโs favorite sport?
Cross country.
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, โAirport Left,โ she turned around and went home.
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
