Travel jokes

Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the airport.

We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.

The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.

The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.

Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.

Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.

What is it called when an orphan goes on vacation?

Answer: He's making family memories.

You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?

'Cause then they know they won't die alone.

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't get even.

The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.

Your momma's so fat, she went on safari and got shagged by an elephant!

Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.

Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.

Which type of nut goes to outer space?

An astro-nut.

Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

Why can’t you run in a campground?

Because it’s past tents.

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

Bus went vrrrrrrrm.