Travel jokes
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
P.l.a.n.e.
Penis loving Asian now entering.
The ocean will kill you to death expensively if you're on Titanic. Buying the tickets was a waste of money.
Q: Why did the islamic chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the airport.
My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.
Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.
Your momma's so fat, she went on safari and got shagged by an elephant!
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
What is it called when an orphan goes on vacation?
Answer: He's making family memories.
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Why can’t you run in a campground?
Because it’s past tents.