Travel jokes

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"

What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?

A walkie-Torquay.

Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.

The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.

Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!

Where do fruits go on vacation?

"Pear-is!"

John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.

Hey guys! Ello here with an update!

I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!

Confucius say, man who go through turn table is going to Bangkok.

Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?

He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

A Muslim enters a building... Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.

Why were the rappers late for their flight?

They forgot to pack.