Travel jokes
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.
Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
Your momma's so fat, she went on safari and got shagged by an elephant!
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.
What is it called when an orphan goes on vacation?
Answer: He's making family memories.
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanomaβa type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!
"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
Did you hear about the tourist that came to New York? Good, because they were a terrorist... When they were asked why they were traveling, they just mispronounced it.
You should never suppress a fart. It travels up the spine high into the brain. That's where the shit ideas come from.
To make tea, road, road, road, road.
Case.
The space of space, Der der.
The chosen week was chosen.
Object.
Der mezzer lakes.
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
What's up with airline food?
Should be good night and walk walk home.
What's the most delicious city in the world? Hamburg.