Travel jokes
I hate airplanes!
What does a foreigner say when he comes to America?
I don't know, I don't speak foreignish...
I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.
A Muslim enters a building... Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
Roses are red.
Your passports are blue.
Now go stand over there,
In that very long queue!
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
I did a walk walk and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:
The guy says, "I'm a fireman."
The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"
The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."
The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Why can't orphans go to a five-star hotel?
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What is a Karen called in Europe?
An American.
Where did George go?
Washington, D.C.
My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.
He sucked his sister's poop hole.
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
Why do orphans hate plane rides?
Because there’s no home to come back to.