Travel jokes

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

What type of pizza do they serve on an airplane?

Plane pizza.

Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.

Two baked beans traveled around Australia.

They both ended up in Cairns.

The old cookoo master on the top of Mt. Qinshan told me this when I was eating sushi:

"The first bite tastes like heaven, the second takes you there."

😳

Why can't orphans go to a five-star hotel?

A time traveler walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

What do you call a Flying Pilot?

He pee on the plane.

I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".

So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".

So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"

I know, it's an awful joke.

Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.

Should we go to America for treatment?

We stayed in Essen and then left.

Why did the cow go to space?

To get ice cream!

I took a plane to go see my hairline.

What do you call a bottle of water flying over Africa?

A UFO.

The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.

EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.

What kind of dreams do hotels have?

Suite dreams.

Is your hairline a time traveler, because it went way back?