Topic Jokes

What was I saying again?

What’s the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?

One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.

What is a type of cancer that:

Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?

Easy, the answer is Fortnite.

Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.

I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.

I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

dik.

Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?

What is this anyway?

I for the class?

Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.

God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.

What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?

As fat as Ben Dingley.

Me: I been up all night, no sleep--

The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.

Me: stfu! I’m just singing!

Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!

Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!

Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......

What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.

If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.

DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!