I for the class?
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
dik.
What is this anyway?
Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
If you spin a fidget spinner, You'll end up spinning it too fast. When you end up spinning it too fast, it will make you fly away. When you fly away, you'll end up in a tree. When you end up in a tree, you'll see that your friends are hanging out without you. When you see that your friends are hanging out without you, you'll run away in the woods because you're sad. When you ran away in the woods, you'll see a bear. When you see a bear, it will chase you. When the bear chases you, you'll build a fort to protect yourself. When you build a fort to protect yourself, you then notice you're lonely. You'll become friends with the bear. When you become friends with a bear, you'll start to act like a bear. When you start to act like a bear, you will become a bear.
DO NOT BECOME A BEAR! NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER!
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
What do women and peanut butter have in common?
They're both easy to spread.
Whats black white and red all over
Lossvagus school shooting
Submit joke here.
Wat?
Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you slap the mosquito it stops sucking
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
Why do asscheeks make great friends?
They always stick together!
