Best Jokes - Page 49 - Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?

Cutting-edge Technology.

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.

The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.

What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅

Why can't Asians play baseball? Because they will eat the bat.

Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?

It doesn’t hit home.

Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?

They can blow themselves up.

Roses are red, But grass is greener, When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

Why can’t dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.

I made a website for an orphanage. For some reason, it doesn't have a home page.

My uncle can't walk straight. I think it's because he's gay.

What were the twin towers plains?

God's playing Jenga.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?

They are just two plane.

Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.

We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?

Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.