Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so ugly that Mr. Rogers doesn’t wanna be her neighbor.
People: The Titanic is unsinkable!
Iceberg: Challenge accepted.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
Why do Mexicans take Xanax?
Because they’re Hispanic attacks.
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?
Hitler knew when his career was over.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Hey man, I was gonna tell a joke about 9/11, but it was just plane.
Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth?"
Girl, scan the code on your wrist.
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
The twins are falling down.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
Moby Dick's father's name...
Papa Boner.