Worst Jokes Ever
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Spider-Man: Homecoming."
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."
LOL
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other one, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with $20. Jill came down with $40. Fucking whore!!!!
Why do orphans love chips?
Because they're all family sized.
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"