Worst Jokes Ever
Joe mama so fat, she fell on both sides of the bed.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
What kind of animal falls from the sky?
Answer: A raindeer.
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
Why do special ed classes have fans?
To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.
89 cows = 0 cows.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
Why do they call it emotion when the root word is emo, but emos don't show emotion?
Bro, I love hanging out with bullies. It's either we play Yahtzee or we playing Nazi.
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.