Worst Jokes Ever

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

Why did the dick go insane?

Someone kept messing with his head.

A genealogist looks at the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

What do you call a dog turd in China?

Waste of food.

What did God say when he made the first woman?

"Where is your dick at?"

Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

What is the difference between white people and coal?

It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?

Hitler knew when his career was over.

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?

Panera instead.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.

Why did the rapper become a painter?

To brush up on his rhymes!