Worst Jokes Ever

What is the second hardest thing in the morning?

Getting up.

How to kill a blind person.

Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.

Why was the ant so confused?

All of its uncles were ants.

Yo mama so stupid she studied for a COVID-19 test.

Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gay people can play Star Wars.

McDonald's and the Twin Towers are alike. McDonald's has a drive-through, and the Twin Towers had a fly-through.

I'm an orphan, lol.

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.

I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus.

Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.

I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)

When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."

A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?

Seizure salad.

Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.