Worst Jokes Ever
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
Why was Michael Jackson fired as a guitar teacher?
Because he fingered a minor.
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?
Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
There are two Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
A cop.