Worst Jokes Ever
I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."
Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?
They wait to be filled with a big load.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
If an orphan takes a selfie, isn't it basically a family portrait?
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.