Worst Jokes Ever
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
What is another word for a bagel? 🥯
Jewish doughnut ✡️ 🍩👏 👏 👍 👍 👌 👌 💪 💪 😋 🏆 🎖
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!