Worst Jokes Ever
Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?
They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
We should really stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.
It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
A man is pulled over by a police officer.
The policeman approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem, Officer?"
The officer says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license, please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."
The officer is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The officer says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?!"
"She's in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his own car and calls for backup. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle, please?"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please?"
The man opens the trunk, but there is nothing there.
The officer says, "Is this your car, sir?"
The man says, "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned.
"One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The man digs through his pockets, pulls out a wallet, and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
"Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Asians love it when a British person says "Race!"
Sodomising a physically challenged homophobic heterosexual white male is better than the smallest act of kindness.