Worst Jokes Ever
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
What is the difference between a nerd and leafyishere?
One is fun to laugh at, bully, and roast, and the other is just a nerd.
Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.
Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”
There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.