Worst Jokes Ever
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.
Yes, this joke is stolen.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."
What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
What do apples and depressed kids have in common?
They both hang on trees.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
Women.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
What is the difference between a snow woman and a snowman?
Snowballs.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."