Worst Jokes Ever
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
What do apples and depressed kids have in common?
They both hang on trees.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
Women.
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
What is the difference between a snow woman and a snowman?
Snowballs.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."