Worst Jokes Ever

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

How do you make a plumber sad?

Kill his family.

Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.

God: “Steven, join us.”

*sees the staircase to heaven*

Steven: “Shit.”

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.

For 20 seconds.

And only once... :(

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

Because they’ve already lost 2 towers.

What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

What did the mute man tell the blind man?

Nothing.

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.

What's an Emo's favorite drink?

Water, JK it's cyanide.

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

What do you call a bunch of Paki's jumping off a cliff?

Chocolate drops.

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰