Worst Jokes Ever

Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.

What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.

A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.

What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?

There are twenty of them.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?

One of them won’t clean the oven.

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.

Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.

In memory of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as various places, is introducing the Jackson Dog. A 50 year old sausage between a 9 year old bun.

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

What do you call a musician 👩‍🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?

A popsinger.

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."

The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.