Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
What's a pirate's favorite shop?
Arrrrrrrrgos.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
bully: "Your life's a joke."
me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.