Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
What's the best haircut?
Chemotherapy.
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.