Worst Jokes Ever
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled children.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
It's the season of giving, so I'll be giving up!
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross-country!!!
What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it's family?
A self-fie.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
The number 13? Not on my watch!