Worst Jokes Ever

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

Slapped cheese on my white friend, told him I like cheese on my crackers.

How do you make a plumber sad?

Kill his family.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

God: “Steven, join us.”

*sees the staircase to heaven*

Steven: “Shit.”

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.

For 20 seconds.

And only once... :(

What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

What did the mute man tell the blind man?

Nothing.

My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.