Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?

Santa stops at 3 hoes.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.

Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.

I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.

Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."

Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."

Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."

What does a relationship and suicide have in common?

I always fail on committing.

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."

Kid: "Why are you doing that?"

Dad: "So you won't get bored there."

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?

He saw flashing lights.