Worst Jokes Ever
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
Roses are red, violets are blue, I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)
-> in reality, :( (sob)
depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.
Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.
I like Cheetos.
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"
I like my dates like I like my wine...
Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.
Why can't Juice Wrld play Black Ops II?
Because he can't handle 6 perks.
What's worse than ten babies on one tree? One baby on ten trees.
Q: What is Trump?
A: An oversized oompa loompa.
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
I was crying when my dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.