Worst Jokes Ever
Roses are red, oranges are orange.
Get a life, quit watching porn.
A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.
Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
[Parent’s signature: __________]
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
Primary School Maths Teacher: Maths has no Limits!
High School Maths Teacher: There's this thing called Limits.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
Did Jesus cut his nails?
No! His nails cut through him.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4
LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
What is the biggest lie ever?
"I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions."
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."
Donald Trump has been banned from Panera.