Worst Jokes Ever
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Orphan: Have you seen my mommy?
Person: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes?
Person: SON SON??? IS THAT YOU MY LOVE?
Orphan: MOTHER!
Person: Let's go home!
Orphan: Uhhhh
*She was never to be seen again*
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Yo mamma is so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
Why can orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Masochists and sadists are made for each other.
Why can't orphans go on a field trip?
They need their parents' permission. 😆😆😆😆😆😆
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
"Maga be like Antifa invaded Ukraine, but I thought Antifa was Russia, you dumb Maga chuds!"
What can fly underwater?
A mosquito in a submarine.
What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk" home from a tree house? 🏠
Why were Twin Towers mad that their food wasn’t good enough?
Because they got plain.
My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.
Why were the Twin Towers workers disappointed? Because they ordered a ham and cheese, but all they got was a plane.