Worst Jokes Ever

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.

Wanna hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

Why should you never give an orphan a phone?

Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don’t work out.

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

Why are women’s feet so small?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat.

this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?

A toothbrush.

The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.

I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

What can't orphans do?

Be homosexual because they have no home.

Why did the student cannibal rush to the cafeteria?

He wanted to eat ahead of the others.

Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...

WAITTTT WHATTT

Balls are annoying. They just bounce and never keep still.

What does a gay horse eat?

Haaaaaaay!

Hey, can I tell you a pizza joke?

Nah, it's too cheesy.