Worst Jokes Ever
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.
I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...
Onions was a good dog.
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
Everybody loves guns!
Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
what game does an emo love?
Hangman.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
What was the first sport played on the moon?
Capture the flag.
Yo mama is so fat, when she saw the Titanic, she called it small.