Worst Jokes Ever
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
What’s the LGBTQ national anthem?
Somewhere over the rainbow.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
Every joke I make about 9/11 just has a tendency to crash and burn.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen walking.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
What do you call a basketball player with erectile dysfunction?
Tragic Johnson.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.