Worst Jokes Ever
My favorite planet is Saturn because it is tight next to Uranus.
What do you call an emo furry squad?
The suicide furs.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.
He jizzes canned cheese.
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
Whatâs red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? Theyâre painful to look at.
Why canât orphans play baseball? They donât know where home is.
Give a man a match, and heâll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it!
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Twin Towers are like my parents: 2 left and 1 came back.
Yo mamma is so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
My grandfather told me Iâm too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hairdryer.
Why were Twin Towers mad that their food wasnât good enough?
Because they got plain.
What do orphans and people eating oranges have in common? They both are eating balls.