Worst Jokes Ever
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.
What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen walking.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Panera Bread.
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.
What’s a downy's favorite song? Down Under.
White comedy week:
Monster Truck Monday
Trailer Park Tuesday
White Trash Wednesday
Take Your Sister Out Thursday
Fox News Friday
Storm the Capitol Saturday
Say You’re Sorry Sunday
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
What do you call a lesbian Dinosaur?
Lickalotapuss.
When an orphan takes a selfie, is that its family photo?
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
What’s the LGBTQ national anthem?
Somewhere over the rainbow.