Worst Jokes Ever
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
I love eggs!
Why did the duck get arrested?
He tried to quack a safe.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What did the bowler say when the balls were on the lane and the pin? They said, "Strike!" 😂😂😂😂
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
They are hairy.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
I like CHEESE!
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.