Worst Jokes Ever
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.
Why does Joe Biden like cold weather? Because he’s used to being in the teens.
What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?
Legs.
I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Why did the orphan dig six feet under?
To find his parents.
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit in the living room!
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What’s a downy's favorite song? Down Under.