Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!
Your forehead is so big it makes Megamind's head look small.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.
What did the emo kid say to the other?
"I like ya cut, G."
What's the best cheese in the world?
Dick cheese.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."
Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."
How many white women does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. To hire the Mexicans.
What's Michael Jackson's nickname?
Nivea black and white.
Exercise?
I thought you said "extra fries!"
-A minion (you may now laugh).
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? It stands for family.
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
What do high school kids and Dow have in common? They both test chemicals.
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
Did you hear about the baseball game between America and Ethiopia?
America - 8
Ethiopia - didn't.