Worst Jokes Ever

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.

What's a cannibal's favorite snack?

Men toes! 😂🤣

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:

"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."

Anyone know what bird that is?

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?

Boy's pants are half off.

I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.

But it would just crash and burn.

What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song?

The wheels on the chair go round and round.

Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?

To get some plane bread.

Why don’t I like shafting?

It feels squishy.

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

My friend: To get to the other side?

Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.

My friend: Oh.

Me: Knock knock.

My friend: Who's there?

Me: The chicken.

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.