Worst Jokes Ever

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.

What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!

Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.

Your sister is so ugly, she made Hello Kitty say goodbye.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

I love Little Mix.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye, matey!

I heard a joke about chocolate.

It wasn’t that funny.

I just Snicker-ed.

Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?

Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?

A: Because they're retired!