Worst Jokes Ever
Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3
Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.
Mom: jk
What's the song that plays at the very end of the movie, Dr. Strangecow, during the montage of nuclear blasts?
"Veal meat again, don't know where, don't know when..."
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
In life you either yeet or get yeeted, or you beat or get beaten.
I guess I failed.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cows say, "Moo, not who."
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.
Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.
Taylor.
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
What do you call Stephen Hawking going fast?
Hot Wheels.
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
What is blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
Yo mama so fat that when she was in Uranus, she picked her butthole.
Dear NASA, your mom thought I was big enough.
–Pluto.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.
How did the hamburger know he needed new pants?
His buns were too tight.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"