Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?
'Cause they can't make it family friendly.
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
Jokers are all about the delivery.
Except abortion jokes...
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"
You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
