Worst Jokes Ever

Your forehead and your hairline must be old friends, because they go way back.

I C U P works on 88% of people.

How did the orphan lose its parents?

Its parents never came back from getting milk.

Yo mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

Why can't orphans have a large bag of chips? Because they're family sized.

I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.

I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

You text someone to ask them why they snobbed you. Then they snob you again.

You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇

What do you call a fat downie?

A couch potato.

I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."

What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?

Answer: Non-existence!

What’s the difference between an emo and a pack of Oreos? The emo’s barcode gets longer every day.

What do you get when you cut an onion?

Onion jizz.

Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D

"2001 just called and they want their towers back."