Worst Jokes Ever
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "I gagged."
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?
She died the next weekend.
Yo mama played the iceberg in Titanic.
What does NASA mean? No Apes Submit Astronauts.
Why couldn't Sally open the fridge?
Because she had no arms.
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
No more toilet paper jokes, please.
One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.
Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The end.
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack!
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
Jack and Jill went up the hill for drunkin' wild sex.
Jack went by Jill to get a lick, and watched Jill get off on a stick.
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms!
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
No such thing as peados.... it’s all nonce-sense!
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.
Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"