Worst Jokes Ever
What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him for a drag.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
Why did Sally decide to fly to school?
She couldn't drive.
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite genre of music? Rock and roll.
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Q: What do you call a "Wild Man" or "Wild Woman" on the Moon?
A: A Luna-Tic!
2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger.
What was the guitar teacher arrested for? Stringing a minor.
Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:
Kleenex
Depends
Bicycle Helmet manufacturers
Velcro Shoe manufacturers
Steven Hawkings Publishers
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
You make the juice go through my power brick.
I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...