Worst Jokes Ever
If you need to squint to read this...
You probably need glasses.
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
Deutsch: Die, die nichts zu sagen haben, reden viel. Die, die was zu sagen haben, hingegen kaum.
Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.
A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
What do you call a pool full of retards?
Vegetable soup.
Bitch wanna make me a sandwich?
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of dead babies.
Me: Hey Jim!
Jim: I'm now a cannibal.
Me: WAIT, JIM! N-
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
Why can't a dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
What is the butt’s favorite computer?
The Tushiba.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
There was a woman. She is property. Ha, sucks for that dishwasher.
Why can’t Sally get a hair cut? She has cancer.