Worst Jokes Ever

I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.

I blend children to make a good living.

What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?

An AK-46.

I cummed on the alley.

What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?

They both come in small can.

Men.

Why did the mushroom get a new house?

Because there wasn’t mushroom!

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.

So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"

The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."

Can you fuck me, please?

Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they lost two towers.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.

Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a cat.

Hi! I love my dog.

How do I feed the baby with my pants on?

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

When you say, "I'm high!"

But then you fall off.