Worst Jokes Ever
Q: Where did Sally go on her bike? A: Nowhere.
What do cows listen to?
Moo-sic.
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
So, a neutron went to a bar. He asked the bartender how much for a beer. The bartender said, "For you, no charge."
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?
Aaron.
Ur mom gay.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she is a dumb b*tch!
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
I just found out I'm colorblind!
The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!