Worst Jokes Ever
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Friend: You look like a baboon.
Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
I tried to catch fog, but I mist.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Who's never the last man standing?
Stephen Hawking.
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I will kill your family.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?