Worst Jokes Ever

Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.

Why did the cookie cry?

Because its mom was a wafer too long!

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

I am on the German website.

"Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."

A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.

What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

How do you kill a spider?

Just get an autistic person.