Worst Jokes Ever
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?
Cantonese...
A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.
Kenya? Ligma balls!
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
Yo mama so fat, I couldn't see the store.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
Why can’t Santa have kids?
He only cums once a year.
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.
Hairline.
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.
She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.
The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."