Worst Jokes Ever
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A Gaelic
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!
I am awesome, look at me!
The Towers wanted pepperoni pizza, but they got planned.
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?
Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.
What Pokémon is always disappointed? Wynaut.
What does McDonald's and priests have in common?
They put their meat inside 10 year olds.
Karen walks into McDonald's.
Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??
Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!
Lady at the counter: yes miss.
Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.
Lady at the counter: *sweats*
Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?
One's a drive-through and one's a fly-through.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
How do you anger a Libertarian?
Don't tell him the truth.
Q: Why don't Indians play soccer?
A: Because every time they're in the corner, they open a store.