Worst Jokes Ever

How does a mathematician get tan?

sin/cos.

Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?

She called for a price check.

Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

Yeah, neither has he!

Stephen Hawking isn’t dead, he’s just using VPN.

Man says, "What's Ligma?"

Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

Baby says nothing, she transgender.

What do you call a dick playing badminton?

A shuttlecock.

Never eat more than you can lift.

I made a website for orphans, but there's no homepage.

What do Orphans say on Father's Day?

Well, not "Happy Father's Day."

I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.

I love teaching students

how to make them harm themselves.

Yo' mama is a joke.

How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?

Your dog is gone. ;)

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

I hate my life.

Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.

There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"

The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"

He said, "No, because you're black."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."