Worst Jokes Ever

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.

My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

*School shooting happens*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*

American student: "First time?"

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.

Except my depression.

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

A man went to the library and asked for a book about suicide. The librarian said, "Go away, you won’t bring it back."

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"

Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.