Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home to do it at.
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."
Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."
Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
What is an orphan's family portrait called?
A self-portrait.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.