Worst Jokes Ever
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, bleach.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
If you were a food, what would you be?
Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."
Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."
Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."
What's the difference between a maze and a depressed life? One of them you can find a way out of.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
Life's too short to want it.
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? Stephen can't walkie and Stephen can't talkie.
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.
My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.