Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Did you know that the shovel was a groundbreaking invention?
Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...
A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"
"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"
They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"
"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.
Well, that was a blow up!
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
For being a big company, NASA is openly saying they want pictures of Uranus.
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
TITANic
To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.
You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣